I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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