how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I think people are normalizing furries
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
