I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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