after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
