rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Randomize
