I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
