Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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