White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
