I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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