so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
