Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
