We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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