If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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