Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
