i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
This is classic penis vs brain.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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