i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
