the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
