I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
