i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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