So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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