I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
false alarm, still single
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
