Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
