I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
