some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
