You're my little dorito
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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