did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
