Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
