just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
