I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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