Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
