oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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