I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Girls should come with a carfax report
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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