Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
