One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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