jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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