You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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