foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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