Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
