I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
