Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
