Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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