He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
