Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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