i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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