I could make wine with my vomit
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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