It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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