Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
