I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
