I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
