You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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